Gullmageddon

I used to think seagulls were funny, and perhaps even a little bit cool in a strange sort of way.
To me the birds seemed to have a rebellious attitude that made me laugh.

I admired their pluck, but that was before I moved to Thanet.
In recent years, things have gone a little too far.

I am certain this country will soon be in the grip of these beasts, a trend it will be hard to reverse.
We may be on the verge of Gullmageddon and the UK's first seagull-related death is on the way, just you mark my words.
Residents across the isle will no doubt sympathise with my views as the gulls tear their way through rubbish sacks and spread litter across the streets - a story I have reported on in the past.

The noise is also another negative.
Every morning I am woken up by an ASBO gull flock who camp out on our roof with little more in their tiny minds than causing as much racket as possible for hours on end.
Not fun when you're nursing a hangover or in desperate need of sleep.
No, their noise is not the pleasant twittering and trilling of other birds, but an assault on the eardrums that even double-glazing cannot halt.
The shrill screeching and squawking is nice when heard every so often on a day out at the seaside but not every single day.
The winged ones also swoop down on all and sundry in what we're told is their way of protecting their babies, who are the fattest beasts as you'll ever find.
Walking down my street in Westgate has become like running the gauntlet.
The flying dogs sit on top of the chimney pots, looking down on those who dare to venture out with a sneer on their beaks.
They are like our new alien overlords, only with sharper talons.

Now I think of them less as lovable rebels and more like flying hooligans, or worse the mafia of the bird world.
They're got more front than Del Boy, too.

Those who have ventured to Ramsgate seafront with bag of chips in hand will testify to the fact that the birds would kick someone's head in for a solitary discarded chip.
My boss, a birdwatcher, is not an advocate of these views, but he is being naïve.
There is no doubt in my mind that these birds are becoming a major pest.
I know, I know, they're only doing what comes naturally, but still that doesn't make it any less of a nuisance.

I'm not advocating doing anything to or with these birds, I must add.
Aside from a few jokes on Twitter, I know it is almost an unsolvable problem, but do remember this article when we find ourselves in some kind of Human v Gull doomsday scenario, which they will win.
You have been warned.